44 days and three reasons to leave Los Angeles

Yeah. So far not a good day. First of all my computer is going nuts. My computer has a poltergeist. My mouse keeps drifting to the top of the page and clicking on the X and trying to make me either "navigate from the page" or quit! And sometimes it pulls all my words off the page with it and either deletes them or puts them in funny order. Its a very witty ghost. I hate it.

Also I think my anxiety may be manifesting itself into something very serious. This is the site I found at 2:30 in the morning. Not sleeping.

So I am losing it. Yup. Going off the deep end for sure.

Meanwhile, here are some shitty pictures of L.A.

Unsafe

Gangs in MacArthur Park

Parking Ticket Once a Month

I AM LEAVING! YES I AM!!!

45 Days

Checking in! Today is a good day! With the mantra given to me by Robin, "I will be bold!" I am facing the day with aplomb.

Getting excited for east coast winters; the trees turning colors, the snow. Reading my Martha Stewart magazine and wondering if I can take a weekend trip to Maine sometime. I want to explore!

Meanwhile I walked three miles to my boyfriend's house because I locked myself out of my apartment. It was 102 degrees in the valley today. Not going to miss that.

So thinking positively and looking ahead! Its hard work sometimes.

Murals

So every day for the next 46 days I am going to let myself have a little check in and a teensy weensy rant.

Then I am going to do something productive. This is my productive thing.

Like tell you that Los Angeles has an amazing number of murals. When I first moved here I lived in THE shittiest apartment ever, but there was this mural across the street that was unreal. I took a picture of it but cant find it now, will get back to you.

Here is another little photo-documentary of the mysterious murals that pop up all over the city.

46 Days

So I am getting very nervous about leaving. I still haven't told my boss (though I thought 30 days notice would be WAY more than enough, right?) I am really enjoying my acting class, and I am scared to go in and tell my managers and agents.

What I am saying is this: I haven't made any changes that I can't undo. Even the rental truck reservation isn't binding.

I need to be bold. A bold woman would act.

Who is bold? Who can I look to for help? Oprah? Martha?

Class today was all about facing your fears. Not facing them, but RIDDING yourself of them. I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am so fucking afraid that it paralyzes me.

Ok that's enough

Ventura Boulevard

The Arclight is on Sepulveda Blvd. (Seh-pull-vuh-duh.) It's on of the many hard to sound out street names. (Doheny and Cahuenga are others.) Anyway, its 1.8 miles from my house.

We went to see Borat. My sister has ADD and decided she wanted to wait it out at the bar without telling any one else. So I went looking for her for twenty minutes until I finally turned my phone back on (I WAS IN A MOVIE!!) and found a text from her saying "at the bar."

So we missed the movie. And we had been drinking. So we walked home.

This is a picture documentary of our walk.

I call it

"VENTURA BLVD"

View of the Freeway from the bar at the Arclight

Boyfriend

My sister and me.

Everything must go. Going out of Business.

Going Out of Business and
"Help Wanted. Experience Required"
Ironic, anyone?

48 Days

I am getting ready to give my theatrical manger and my commercial agent the thirty day notice of my intentions to give them the boot.

Here is my letter so far. If anyone is reading this blog, please let me know what you think!


Dear Ari Gold*:

First of all I wanted to thank you for your support in the last two years. I really loved getting to know you and I learned a lot through our talks in your office. I especially enjoyed singing karaoke at your Christmas parties. Thank you for standing behind me as I started out my career in Los Angeles. Your encouragement has meant worlds to me.

I have decided to move to New York City, a dream I have been putting off since I was twelve. The time is right to make that leap, and I feel it is the best thing for me as an artist. Unfortunately it will mean the end of our business contract. I wish I could take you with me!

If you know of anyone I can contact in the Big Apple, I would appreciate it so much. I promise to keep in touch and when my first play opens, you will be the first people I send comp tickets to!
Thank you so much again for your assistance and education. I will be forever grateful that I could call myself your client even for a short period of time.


Should I also add, "To be honest, Ari*, you didn't really do THAT much for me. I mean, you did get me one audition for Cold Case and one for Cinderella Story 2, but that was in the first six months. What the hell happened? And then you started trying to get me to go in with you on this stock scheme and the Monavie crap? You guys pretty much sucked. Sorry."

Again, opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Fifty One Days...

Last night I found this article on the FRONT PAGE of the New York Times. Almost immediately my Internet went out. This morning I searched and searched for it, finally found it and devoured it for breakfast. This is the dream apartment.

Read the article here.

At two months before I am leaving for New York, my mind is a jumble. Some parts of me are still not sure I am going. All I know is I have to leave Los Angeles. I simply do not belong here. I also know I always wanted to live in New York. I need to make this leap. I NEED to. All this time between making the decision and actually doing it have made me weak. I have come to the dreaded moments where I have to tell my boss and my manager that I am leaving them for a better place. I don't mind disappointing them as much as I don't want to hear their warnings.


(Picture from the article by Piotr Redlinski for The New York Times)