Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Subway Diary,

I met a man on the subway.

Ok, well not actually ON the subway but outside of the 53rd and Lex stop. I was going home from acting class at the Neighborhood Playhouse (yay me) and a young man in a thick Brooklyn accent asks me how to get to the F. I begin to stammer that you can't get to the F at this station, and you'll have to take the E or V but they aren't running and if I was coherent, which I rarely am, I would have gone on to tell him to take the 6 downtown to Bleecker and there you are. But I was also thinking in my neurotic (which only really means I'm muddled up, thinking from all angles) brain, that I may give this guy directions and then we'll end up on the same train, and it will be awkward, plus he was kind of cute so, "Why dont you just come with me?" blurts out of my mouth.

So great. So much for my book, or listening to music or whatever I was going to do.

But then he turned out to be so interesting. He was really intelligent, honest and forthcoming about himself. We had an enjoyable conversation the entire ride, and that includes the transfer. A couple of times, I stepped outside myself and looked in from the outside and realized how far my life has taken me in six months.

Emma is on a train talking to a Brooklyn boy about life.

Yes. He asked for my number. Right after 15th St Station in Brooklyn. He knew mine was the next stop. He was getting off at Avenue I where I once woke up after having missed Fort Hamilton. One brilliant topic of conversation. I left out that it was three am and I drunk. He also went to rehab in Los Angeles. He has emotional ties there. I get that.

So I gave him my number.

Doubt it will go anywhere. The whole "rehab" thing and I'm really into wine. Also he's Jewish, so he told me, Brooklyn Jewish, and I'm definitely not. Kinda the end right there. But oh well. This is New York and who cares?

I had my first subway romance.

I fucking love this town.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Where do we go from here?

I guess I am new to blogging.

I recently joined this cool website and am reading all these amazing blogs. I mean, these people really know how to WRITE. These writers have all these beautiful nuances, and funny quips in their writing that I simply don't know how to do.

Why am I always discouraged by the successes of others? lame.

Beyond that, they seem to have a lot of anonymity going on. That would probably help me. Or I could start over and talk about all of the real feelings and nutcase escapades I am embarking on.

Facebook is the main problem. Or maybe Ill start over.

But I dont WANT to start over. This is a STORY.

But I want to talk about my breakup and other wanton adventures.

But that wont be good for anyone involved but me.

oh yeah.

Maybe time to start over?

Or maybe start a writing journal?

Maybe make new friends who you can TALK to?

Or maybe who the hell cares?

Maybe I'll just un-post my blog from facebook.

P.S. Hit 60 miles today. Booyah.

My own empty subway car. I swung around all the poles and felt very free.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

8.49 Minute Miles

So this is what getting in shape feels like.

I was running today and feeling really weighted and tired. I marvelled at how hard it was.

I don't really try to push myself. If I see a girl my age running ahead of me, I definitely try and pass her, but I'm not really trying to get a fast time. I'm just a little competitive. Plus the girl today had a beautiful long ponytail. I wasn't standing for that.

Then I listened to my iMapMyRun app and at four miles it said, in the sultry, disjointed female voice, "34 minutes." That's almost a minute faster than my usual time. So I pushed a little harder and hit 44 minutes for my five mile. That's 8 and a half minute miles on average for five miles. Didn't think I could do that.

Maybe this is about proving myself to myself.

In other news, I met with a teacher at the Neighborhood Playhouse yesterday. The Neighborhood Playhouse. It was kind of freaky to be there, after seeing the Meisner documentary about a million times and taking class at Playhouse West for two years. Pretty freaking cool.

I'm starting class on Thursday if I can get my schedule worked out. Maybe I'll reward myself with a trip to Target.

Or maybe Ill just save up my rewards for a couple weeks from now.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Everything I know about procrastination I learned from Hamlet

Somehow this has become a blog about running. Running has become the only solid thing in my life that I can control. It is an achievement in a world where achievements are few. Its one thing I can do everyday and consider myself accomplished.

Meanwhile, I am not acting. I am not acting. I am not acting.

HOWEVER. I do have a meeting with a teacher from the Neighborhood Playhouse. This is the first step.

(things to do by January 20th)

1. Have my hair fixed. It's red-brown now and I remind myself of a golden retriever.
2. Have an APPOINTMENT for new head shots
3. Give Michael all of my reel information
4. Interviewed/audited for two schools or BE in class
5. Memorize one contemporary dramatic monologue (I think I picked one)

Focus. Focus. Focus.

In running news I did a different route today around Greenwood Cemetery. Not a great run. The sidewalks are full of industrial debris and too many hills. I also think there is a big jail there. Or else its a high school. I did it though.

Almost to 9 min miles.

40 miles since Jan 1. Ok I'll stop.

I get to be proud about one thing in my life.

Greenwood Cemetery.
Don't be fooled into thinking you can run all over it and enjoy the company of the dead.
No joggers.
Run around in the trash outside the iron gate.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Full Force and 30 miles

The time of "I am adjusting" is over. There is no time for "Im going through a breakup" so we are getting going now. Every time I look at Backstage I feel like I am a week behind the world. If I had just been ready last week. Let it be that I never feel that way again.

So I am moving forward. Ahead. Through it. Accelerate through the chaos. Though I am beginning to think that the last one is misinformed. I need headshots. I need monologues. I need my hair fixed. I need class. I need a reel. I need to get this all done now.

The time is now.

I feel especially tough when I come back from a run looking like this:

30 miles in 7 days. We are so on track this time.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Second Attempt

Ok so I failed the 100 miles in 30 days goal in December. Failed hardcore. I did get a nice little email from MapMyRun saying I am a loser but not to throw in the towel just yet.

So here I am going for a second try. Maybe second tries are my specialty. That's kinda what New York is all about for me. This time, however, I am stepping it up a notch. FIVE miles a day. It isn't that much different actually, and the course I run works much better for five miles.

I am at 15% since the first. 25 miles a week at least and I will kill this goal once and for all.

And don't think i am using this because I am afraid to find my way into acting here, because that's probably exactly what I'm doing. This is easy. Clear beginning, clear end, clear goal. I am working on transferring that. Just give me a little time.