Monday, June 17, 2013


June 17th is finally here and here I am beyond it.

He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul, He that Keepeth Understanding Shall Find Good. (Baruch College)

Today I attended orientation for the New York City Teaching Fellowship Cohort 24. It was very inspiring. They started out with a young mens' "step" group from one of the high schools which was extremely powerful and masculine. They talked about how rough the ride is going to be, but I kept hearing the word "impact." They assure me I will make an impact. I hope so.

 I've been saying that a lot, "I hope so." It's my faithful phrase. I have hope.

One current teacher made a great speech that included encouraging us against thinking that "you either have it or you don't." That one stuck with me more than most others. You work to have it. You don't just have it. Teaching is not magic, but hard work.

They also said that the fellowship is harder to get into than NYU. I liked that one because NYU rejected me...a long time ago.

I'm scared. I have hope.

Tomorrow is my first day. I am expected in Queens at 8:30 am. I haven't seen 8:30 am since October. It's going to be difficult. I am going to be tired. Waiting tables, I am used to going to bed at 2am and waking up whenever I want. Sometimes 9:30, sometimes noon. Noon never feels as good as you think it does.

So I am getting up at 6. Leaving my house at 7:30 am to take the F train from 63rd street and Lexington (btw the other school they could have sent me is on 68th and Lexington. I am choosing to ignore this painful fact) and enduring a 56 minute commute to Queens.

I Once Was Lost

It's been awhile.

When I was young I would stop writing in my journal because some time had passed and I didn't want to have to do a big old "... Last Time in the LIFE OF EMMA..." and I don't really want to do that here because it will go unnoticed in the wash of archives. Plus this is mostly for me, and maybe I want it to be more professional. Not sure.

Obviously. I am becoming a teacher. On my thirtieth birthday, I was accepted into the New York City Teaching Fellowship for special education. I am a member of "Cohort 24" which sounds very intense, or communist. Comrade 24? Maybe it sounds like jail.

I have been waiting tables for the past forever years. Supposedly everyone in this program graduated from Harvard. How I slipped through I am not sure I will ever know.

Feel free to mourn for the loss of my desire to pursue acting in New York. I am not sure I feel like explaining that right now. It will all come out, or not. Maybe I can't explain...

So today is the NEW FELLOWS ORIENTATION!!! I have completed countless online classes, quit my job, freaked out about health insurance, gotten excited, gotten upset, decided this was my chosen path by God, decided I was making a huge mistake and today I am putting on a skirt and heading into the abyss. A new life. A big fat new start.

Maybe I'll document it. Maybe I'll get lost again. But for today I wanted to show up and say I'm alive and I am trying this new thing and if anyone wants to wish me luck that would be amazing because pretty sure no one reads this blog anymore and if they do they've been sorely disappointed for the past three years.

Hello again.