The Strawhat Auditions

Failure number one.

The strawhat auditions are somewhat difficult to get accepted into. I know they personally didnt allow one of my best actor friends to attend. I was so excited to get accepted in November. A mass audition for a huge group of regional theatres ready to cast their summer stock! Something very prestigious? Something where a good job could be had for the taking.

Nope.

This was a mass audition so theatres could cast decent actors in their internship programs, make them pay almost $1,000 and have them move chairs all summer.

There were college musical theatre students EVERYWHERE. Warming up, hugging each other. Singing their Rents and their Wickeds and calling their moms talking about callbacks in the hallway.

They are in shape. I am not. This is something I very painfully came to terms with yesterday.

Not to mention all the good theatres left before monday.

Not that I felt great about my audition.

Shit.

Also I pretty much stopped running. I could blame the snow or too much work, but Ive stopped. I can feel it.

Crap.

The Strawhat Callback Wall 1pm
My name is on one of these.

One.

Check in.

The Empire State Building from the Empire State Building.
Would love to expand on this day. It was lovely. Too bad.

Still not sure where this blog is going; whether I should be more anonymous or what. I mean, I still live with my ex-boyfriend, have to keep a lot of secrets because of that. I would love to go into detail about my new escapades, and by escapades I use the root ESCAPE literally. Whatever that means.

Running has been difficult as I have had to put in almost sixty hour at my job to make ends meet, and guess what! They still aren't meeting. They should make a dating service for single ends to meet up at coffee shops. EndsMeet.com. Sometimes I hate myself.

I have a nice big juicy audition on Monday. Ninety seconds. Two contrasting monologues. I have decided to do very well. This is what I am working on today.

The alcoholic subway number asker guy didn't call me. Bastard. Maaaybe it's for the best. He was too young for me anyway. Ha.

Big storm on it's way in tonight. One of the cool things about living in New York City is that the weather is a real topic of conversation. It's this enormous thing that drastically affects all of our lives, and in discussing it, we feel a sense of community. The word on the street and in the news today is, "Yeah we missed it last time (meaning the little storm with the big hype that fell all over D.C. and barely flirted with New York City) but we wont be so lucky tonight." It makes me want to wax poetic on how storms are like relationships, you miss one...etc. Maybe storms and cities and ends should all find a dating service...

Can you tell that I am well aware Valentine's Day is Sunday?

Where do we go from here?

I guess I am new to blogging.

I recently joined this cool website and am reading all these amazing blogs. I mean, these people really know how to WRITE. These writers have all these beautiful nuances, and funny quips in their writing that I simply don't know how to do.

Why am I always discouraged by the successes of others? lame.

Beyond that, they seem to have a lot of anonymity going on. That would probably help me. Or I could start over and talk about all of the real feelings and nutcase escapades I am embarking on.

Facebook is the main problem. Or maybe Ill start over.

But I dont WANT to start over. This is a STORY.

But I want to talk about my breakup and other wanton adventures.

But that wont be good for anyone involved but me.

oh yeah.

Maybe time to start over?

Or maybe start a writing journal?

Maybe make new friends who you can TALK to?

Or maybe who the hell cares?

Maybe I'll just un-post my blog from facebook.

P.S. Hit 60 miles today. Booyah.

My own empty subway car. I swung around all the poles and felt very free.

8.49 Minute Miles

So this is what getting in shape feels like.

I was running today and feeling really weighted and tired. I marvelled at how hard it was.

I don't really try to push myself. If I see a girl my age running ahead of me, I definitely try and pass her, but I'm not really trying to get a fast time. I'm just a little competitive. Plus the girl today had a beautiful long ponytail. I wasn't standing for that.

Then I listened to my iMapMyRun app and at four miles it said, in the sultry, disjointed female voice, "34 minutes." That's almost a minute faster than my usual time. So I pushed a little harder and hit 44 minutes for my five mile. That's 8 and a half minute miles on average for five miles. Didn't think I could do that.

Maybe this is about proving myself to myself.

In other news, I met with a teacher at the Neighborhood Playhouse yesterday. The Neighborhood Playhouse. It was kind of freaky to be there, after seeing the Meisner documentary about a million times and taking class at Playhouse West for two years. Pretty freaking cool.

I'm starting class on Thursday if I can get my schedule worked out. Maybe I'll reward myself with a trip to Target.

Or maybe Ill just save up my rewards for a couple weeks from now.

Everything I know about procrastination I learned from Hamlet

Somehow this has become a blog about running. Running has become the only solid thing in my life that I can control. It is an achievement in a world where achievements are few. Its one thing I can do everyday and consider myself accomplished.

Meanwhile, I am not acting. I am not acting. I am not acting.

HOWEVER. I do have a meeting with a teacher from the Neighborhood Playhouse. This is the first step.

Steps:

(things to do by January 20th)

1. Have my hair fixed. It's red-brown now and I remind myself of a golden retriever.
2. Have an APPOINTMENT for new head shots
3. Give Michael all of my reel information
4. Interviewed/audited for two schools or BE in class
5. Memorize one contemporary dramatic monologue (I think I picked one)

Focus. Focus. Focus.

In running news I did a different route today around Greenwood Cemetery. Not a great run. The sidewalks are full of industrial debris and too many hills. I also think there is a big jail there. Or else its a high school. I did it though.

Almost to 9 min miles.

40 miles since Jan 1. Ok I'll stop.

I get to be proud about one thing in my life.

Greenwood Cemetery.

Don't be fooled into thinking you can run all over it and enjoy the company of the dead.
No joggers.
Run around in the trash outside the iron gate.

Full Force and 30 miles

The time of "I am adjusting" is over. There is no time for "Im going through a breakup" so we are getting going now. Every time I look at Backstage I feel like I am a week behind the world. If I had just been ready last week. Let it be that I never feel that way again.

So I am moving forward. Ahead. Through it. Accelerate through the chaos. Though I am beginning to think that the last one is misinformed. I need headshots. I need monologues. I need my hair fixed. I need class. I need a reel. I need to get this all done now.

The time is now.

I feel especially tough when I come back from a run looking like this:



30 miles in 7 days. We are so on track this time.

Second Attempt

Ok so I failed the 100 miles in 30 days goal in December. Failed hardcore. I did get a nice little email from MapMyRun saying I am a loser but not to throw in the towel just yet.

So here I am going for a second try. Maybe second tries are my specialty. That's kinda what New York is all about for me. This time, however, I am stepping it up a notch. FIVE miles a day. It isn't that much different actually, and the course I run works much better for five miles.

I am at 15% since the first. 25 miles a week at least and I will kill this goal once and for all.

And don't think i am using this because I am afraid to find my way into acting here, because that's probably exactly what I'm doing. This is easy. Clear beginning, clear end, clear goal. I am working on transferring that. Just give me a little time.

Home for the holidays

First time home from New York. I was snowed in for the weekend with the rest of the east coast, and had the inevitable tantrum when, on my birthday, my flight and then my rescheduled flight were both canceled.

Then I cowboyed up, which is my new mantra for this twenty-seventh year of my life, and got myself dressed to go shopping in snow covered Manhattan. What a dream. Manhattan at Christmas! The thing I am beginning to learn about this island is that people revel in the struggles that befall the community. They love to greet each other with the latest frustration. "Oh the trains, right?" or "Can you believe this weather?" One quickly feels like she belongs. This is exactly where I am meant to be. At least sometimes I feel that. I feel it way more than I did in Los Angeles anyway.

So homeward bound I was, traveling business class because my mom accidentally booked me fancy for my flight home. Between two very similar chick movies and bottomless wine from Wente wineries, I relaxed through the turbulence and landed in San Francisco.

Most things are right where they are supposed to be right now. Who can ask for more? Well, actually there are a couple things I could ask for...but not now.

not now.

And I made it to seventy miles today. I am a little behind. Now to cram the last thirty miles in eight days!

Thirty Three Miles in ten days.

I have started a shameless love affair with Prospect Park.

I haven't just started running again.

I have thrown myself into it full force.

I am proud of this one thing in my life right now, so you people who run ten to twenty miles a day and are actually hard core can leave me alone about my little successes.

Prospect Park and Map My Run are my new trainers and I am on "track" (get it?) to running one hundred miles this month. 33% done.

I needed to do something to fight family meal and comfort eating, and it helps me clear my gnarled brain.

At least I think it does.

Then again, I am forgetting things lately, and just when I think I have certain thoughts under control they attack me. I lost my $90 metro card, Michael's camera charger, and camera (separately), and forgot to wear an undershirt running this morning.

There is another possibility: I am nuts.

Anyway, I am running!

And the IMapMyRun app lets me take pictures while I run! Aren't I productive?

Running = new label

Ran again today. Booyah!

Day One

Yes. Yes I completed my three and a half mile workout. It was great. I am powerful. I am strong. I can do this. I can do anything!

This is why I NEED to be running. Get rid of the anxiety! Get rid of five pounds. Get rid of all the thinking and moaning and feeling shitty. Go for it. Be a fighter.

Fighter. I should put that on my workout list. Ok. On to the rest of the day. I just wanted to assure everyone that I did ONE thing I wanted to do today.

Today Im doing a screenplay reading for a friend who quit, moved back to the town where we went to college and has recently renewed his passion. Good for him. Maybe he started running...