Three days

I really did it. I sold my car. Finally and just in time.

Soon I will do a "how to (and not to) sell your car" piece but for now I am just happy that it is done. I almost couldn't believe it when I got out of the passenger's seat for the last time in the Ralph's parking lot. I looked back at my car and remembered the accident, the tickets, the hit and run; everything that cost me so much money and stress. No more. The car is gone. Goodbye and good riddance.



Tonight was also my last day of work. Also unreal. My boss gave me a free steak dinner and told me that I would be back: "Everyone comes back." I wont be back. That I know at least. If I come back to California it will be with a teaching degree and a husband. If I come back to California, all else will have failed.



Anyway, just need to pack my life up into tiny boxes in the next two days, and try not to let the final emotional breakdown destroy me.

Four Days

This is what I did today, besides start a mini bidding war and lose $250.

And work.

And not pack.

Enjoy...I did.

Five Days

I missed six days. I am still home having an anxiety attack over how the packing is going to get done in four days. Leaving in one hour for a six hour trip to Los Angeles. 

My last drive down the five to L.A. thinking that it is home. The last time I will feel like I am being ripped from the womb and thrown into a vat of hot tar.

Six days to get out of Los Angeles unscathed. 

I feel a storm coming.

Anyway the wedding this weekend was beautiful.

Eleven Days

Today we moved my little sister into her apartment. I have forced her to move by herself to Burbank. Very sad.

We had a nice time moving though.

I feel a skin shedding.

I am twenty-six, but maybe I am growing up. Maybe. Probably not, but its possible.

Eighteen Days

I just got back from home again with my car. I didn't mention that I didn't sell it and then thought it was a brilliant idea to fix it. I think maybe that was a mistake. I had to split the $3,300 fee on two credit accounts. I am in debt again and I something makes me think that I wont be able to sell my car. Fiddlesticks.

Eighteen days. I am hungover and extremely anxious. Work party last night. Kind of a goodbye, kind of not. Drank too much and acted bad. "Aren't you excited?? I am so excited for you." um...yeah. Excited. Why am I not more excited?

I am starting to freak out about all the money. Where am I going to find the money? I need to learn to pray I guess. Dear God, please may I have some money? Amen.

Sorry for the rant. I am off to work a double.

Old Car

New Car.

Wanna buy it?

I Hate Los Angeles...25 Days

What is the matter with me?

I went home this weekend. Going home makes me weak and sad and totally fucked up. I had to hold in tears the entire drive home. I had to hold in tears today at work and came home and cried all over my tie and apron. I am so lame.

Am I going insane? Is it this hard for everyone? Is everyone sick of me? I know the answer to that one. Yes.

Ok so I am trying to work this out. I think I miss being taken care of. My mom takes care of me when I am at home. I am just a weak little girl who wishes that people would be nicer. Ok no. Lets be honest. I wish people would buy me lots of things and dinner and iphones and trips to new york and also fix my car.

So I am having a pity party.

Bottoms up.

But if your home was here, wouldnt you be a little sad to leave?

You Know What I am Excited for?

In two weeks, the apartments on Craigslist could really be OURS.

Like this one...

this one...

this one...

or this one...

Feeling very healthy and excited today. Ever since my boss told me that he would do the same thing if he were my age, I have been much lighter. Does that mean I have "Daddy issues?"

Thirty-one days...

LACMA

Did you know that the Los Angeles County Museum of Art is free every second Tuesday of the month??



It is! Don't forget to get a ticket anyway. The people at the exhibits will have to go on furlough if you they cant scan your stupid ticket at the door.

My favorite thing about museums is usually the museum itself. There are some great staples: a wonderful wall of Andy Warhol prints, Michael Jackson and Bubbles (roped off to ward off people thinking about using it as a blarney stone), and a beautiful building housing exquisite Chinese art, but the design of a museum is what inspires me most. A museum is a sanctuary.



The LACMA is on Wilshire Blvd. which cuts right through Los Angeles proper and many of the things worth seeing. It is very crowded with childrens' groups and foreign tourists. The sculptures outside are enormous, bright and flashy. Eh. I like the Getty better. Maybe just because its on a hill away from the city. The LACMA feels like it has something to prove.

Right across the street from the Variety building! Shoot for the stars? Not quite.

So because I didn't get what I needed from the museum design, I will write of my favorite exhibit. It is called Fallen Star, 1/5 by Do Ho Suh. The artist created an enormous dollhouse in the form of a New York style brownstone with every detail installed. Each apartment had it's own character. The family with the bottom floor and big, bay window was almost rich with Victorian elements and lavishly decorated. The family on one of the upper floors had less money and clearly had children, who littered the walls with their favorite movie posters. A smaller Korean-style house wrapped in an orange cloth has collided with the bigger dollhouse. The floor is covered in debris from every family's destroyed rooms. A beautiful chandelier from the rich family's home mingles with magazines from the family with children, and works in progress from a tenant who was clearly a designer of some sort. I read an article in which Suh says the work is a "self-portrait"(latimes.com) exemplifying his move to the United States from Korea.

The artist and his work from this site

While I can't say I understand what it would mean to move to a different country as an artist and experience this kind of culture shock, the violence of the sculpture moved some empathy in me, touching on my current torrential uprooting situation.

I did it. It is happening.

The most wonderful experience today. I told my boss I am quitting and moving to New York. He was so amazing! He said if he was my age he would spend a year in each state! He would travel, he would experience America. I said I have been in So Cal for seven years and he said, "Yes. Its time."

He said he didn't understand why people stay here when they have nothing. I agreed with him.

He was all the supportive my family has not been able to be.

I cried with relief the entire walk home.





Thirty-seven days.

How to Sell Your Car Part II

Craigslist is so funny.

I just got two people in contact with me to buy the car. One person was just trying to get my information to a website and the other guy was much more legit.

Except that he put me on hold for two minutes...

He asked me about the damage on the car. I was honest with him, but he wasn't too happy. Ugh. He offered 10,500. Thats pretty good actually. ALMOST covers my loan.

This challenge is looking up!

How to Sell Your Car

Ok well I am not sure how to sell my car yet, but here is what I am doing so far:

I owe a pretty penny on this baby, but its less than the car is worth. I just got off the phone with THE nicest guy who told me I can't get the title from them until I pay them. Ok, so I have to sell this baby ASAP.

So I washed it,

bought signs for it,

and took its picture for the world wide web!

Here is what my car looks like now:



I got it professionally washed and vacuumed. Here is my ad on CRAIGSLIST

(Ok yeah, so I upped the price. The advice I got was to have a higher starting value so I could negotiate down to the $11,900 price. I really can't go for less than that because thats what I owe on the loan.)

My next idea is to shop it around to the myriad used car buyers... wish me luck!

Being Young and making mistakes

Oh man! I am trying to sell my car and finding it very hard! I am paying back a loan, so I don't have the title and its just a whole big mess. My parents never taught me anything.

I have time though. Right? And an appointment tomorrow at three! I was smart and set it up in the Ralph's parking lot near my house. Oh man. If I sell my car, I know its really happening.

Check my ad on Craigslist. Thoughts?

Wish me luck!

Bye bye baby.

okay okay

I told myself that if I allowed myself to wallow on my blog and get all morose, I would have to then do something productive. I did said that, didn't I?

Things to do in the next 44 days:

1. Fix car
2. Sell car
3. Send Michael off to NYC to look at apartments. (Michael is roommate. Name not changed! He wouldn't mind)
4. So...find apartment by proxy through Michael without losing mind and getting so scared that I have to pee twelve times before bed and then not even be able to sleep.
5. Kill poltergeist
6. Buy Hubcap a ticket for Catair
7. Have some kind of little dinner or party to say goodbye
8. Make sure sister gets set up with new roommate
9. End things with manager
10. Quit job at THIRTY DAYS
11. Go to two weddings
12. Pull $2000 out of thin air
13. Pack all my stuff up
14. Find mind and lock it securely in my head
15. Plan out road trip across the country
16. Find some balls and put them on
17. Let go.

45 Days

Checking in! Today is a good day! With the mantra given to me by Robin, "I will be bold!" I am facing the day with aplomb.

Getting excited for east coast winters; the trees turning colors, the snow. Reading my Martha Stewart magazine and wondering if I can take a weekend trip to Maine sometime. I want to explore!

Meanwhile I walked three miles to my boyfriend's house because I locked myself out of my apartment. It was 102 degrees in the valley today. Not going to miss that.

So thinking positively and looking ahead! Its hard work sometimes.

Murals

So every day for the next 46 days I am going to let myself have a little check in and a teensy weensy rant.

Then I am going to do something productive. This is my productive thing.

Like tell you that Los Angeles has an amazing number of murals. When I first moved here I lived in THE shittiest apartment ever, but there was this mural across the street that was unreal. I took a picture of it but cant find it now, will get back to you.

Here is another little photo-documentary of the mysterious murals that pop up all over the city.

46 Days

So I am getting very nervous about leaving. I still haven't told my boss (though I thought 30 days notice would be WAY more than enough, right?) I am really enjoying my acting class, and I am scared to go in and tell my managers and agents.

What I am saying is this: I haven't made any changes that I can't undo. Even the rental truck reservation isn't binding.

I need to be bold. A bold woman would act.

Who is bold? Who can I look to for help? Oprah? Martha?

Class today was all about facing your fears. Not facing them, but RIDDING yourself of them. I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am so fucking afraid that it paralyzes me.

Ok that's enough

Ventura Boulevard

The Arclight is on Sepulveda Blvd. (Seh-pull-vuh-duh.) It's on of the many hard to sound out street names. (Doheny and Cahuenga are others.) Anyway, its 1.8 miles from my house.

We went to see Borat. My sister has ADD and decided she wanted to wait it out at the bar without telling any one else. So I went looking for her for twenty minutes until I finally turned my phone back on (I WAS IN A MOVIE!!) and found a text from her saying "at the bar."

So we missed the movie. And we had been drinking. So we walked home.

This is a picture documentary of our walk.

I call it

"VENTURA BLVD"

View of the Freeway from the bar at the Arclight

Boyfriend

My sister and me.

Everything must go. Going out of Business.

Going Out of Business and
"Help Wanted. Experience Required"
Ironic, anyone?

48 Days

I am getting ready to give my theatrical manger and my commercial agent the thirty day notice of my intentions to give them the boot.

Here is my letter so far. If anyone is reading this blog, please let me know what you think!


Dear Ari Gold*:

First of all I wanted to thank you for your support in the last two years. I really loved getting to know you and I learned a lot through our talks in your office. I especially enjoyed singing karaoke at your Christmas parties. Thank you for standing behind me as I started out my career in Los Angeles. Your encouragement has meant worlds to me.

I have decided to move to New York City, a dream I have been putting off since I was twelve. The time is right to make that leap, and I feel it is the best thing for me as an artist. Unfortunately it will mean the end of our business contract. I wish I could take you with me!

If you know of anyone I can contact in the Big Apple, I would appreciate it so much. I promise to keep in touch and when my first play opens, you will be the first people I send comp tickets to!
Thank you so much again for your assistance and education. I will be forever grateful that I could call myself your client even for a short period of time.


Should I also add, "To be honest, Ari*, you didn't really do THAT much for me. I mean, you did get me one audition for Cold Case and one for Cinderella Story 2, but that was in the first six months. What the hell happened? And then you started trying to get me to go in with you on this stock scheme and the Monavie crap? You guys pretty much sucked. Sorry."

Again, opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Los Angeles and Cupcakes.

I finally went to Crumbs Bake Shop since so many people in Los Angeles seem to be having a love affair with pint sized cupcakes for the price of a Starbucks coffee.



I thought I was doing something "SO LA" but then I realized that they have shops in New York City. Oh well.

Proposition 8

Didn't we learn this in elementary school?

Today Proposition 8 was upheld in California. I had hoped that the California Justices would have been more brave. Unfortunately, it is possible that those who are fighting for same sex marriage were too late for this particular fight. The measure should never have been on the ballot.

I want to say to all of those who oppose same sex marriage that I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your selfishness, closed mindedness and blatant attempt to forbid the happiness of others. It is disgusting.

Luckily in a couple of years it will be put to a vote again and it will pass. You know it is coming. And if you are one of those who actively fight against same sex marriage, you will lose. You have already lost in Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa. You will lose again in California.