I am currently at my parents beautiful house (yes, again!) for the wedding of one of my oldest friends. One week left as a citizen of California. One week left of sleepless nights and selling my car and hoping upon hope that I don't lose it completely or make some kind of huge mistake.
I am just trying to post something every day before I leave. How do I feel? I feel excited today. I feel like I can handle it. Anyone ever read Steppenwolf? It used to be my favorite book but it has been so long. I understood from it that some people (Hesse is always pointing out that not all but SOME) are different, and usually mad somehow. In Steppenwolf I remember understanding the struggle of the main guy to be between his animalistic self and the need to fit in with the society that disgusted him. I am definitely some people. I am always struggling with becoming the fearless artist and crazy demon I know I am, and the very sweet, well mannered, harmless girl everyone knows and loves. Same with Demian. I think i am one of them, with the mark of Cain. Demonized a little. Not multiple personality but definitely f-ed up.
Just relaxing tonight. Playing Myst on my fancy new Iphone and thinking about getting through the next seven days. Packing, selling the car, last days of work, last goodbyes, probably a lot of crying. I just need to keep my head on straight. It is so easy for me to lose it.
Goodbye Northern California
With any luck, I will be back when my animal self has settled down.