My parents came into town this weekend. Not so supportive of the move. Not so supportive of acting really. Waiting for me to bite the bullet and get my teaching credential so I can teach second grade at Burton Valley Elementary School in Lafayette. My dad even referred to me as the "stupid daughter who is moving to Brooklyn." He took it back, a little drunk, a little sad. "Im just going to miss you. I am afraid I wont see you as much." He should have just left it at stupid daughter. That I knew he didnt mean. That I wont see him is what hurts, is whats dissappointing.
What am I supposed to do? Stay here and rot in Los Angeles? Stay here while the hot sun bakes my brain and fries my soul?
I don't want to do this. I want to stay here and try to be in film and movies and live with my sister forever and never get married because I'm never going to be happy anyway and Im always going to want more so whats the point? If I move to New York, I lose the only things that are keeping me out of bed. Why am I taking that chance?
I feel like Im being dramatic again. I get so annoyed with myself. Why cant I be someone else where things are more clear? Why couldnt I just have my path chosen for me somehow so I wouldnt always have to wonder if I am going the right way.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. Im not good at this. Im not good at writing. Shut up.