Thursday, February 26, 2009


um...yeah. Didnt go to class. Didnt talk to Mr. Carnegie. Went to my boyfriend's house and Ross with my sister and bothered the crap out of both by constantly (involuntarily) sighing due to anxiety.

Should have gone. Should have fought the man harder.

I fought the law and the law won.

I have had a hard week. I have run exactly FIVE days this week so far and tomorrow will be the sixth. I have done well. One step a week. Thats what I say.

Failure. Failure is where the sighs come from. Should have...should have...should have. I am a different person when I am in this mode. This self deprecating person. Idiot, should become a teacher. Maybe I would be happier. Maybe I would feel like I gave up. Maybe both. As long as I get out of Los Angeles, who cares?

And I have Bob* tomorrow. At least I get to wear my own clothes. Clothes to dump piss. Clothes to acquiesce in. I hate Bob* because he is miserable and he reminds me of my own misery. How dare he?

I will run tomorrow. At least I have done that. That and got a huge driving ticket. Im really screwed on that one. Oh man. Here comes the sighing again. Ok. Bath and sleeping pills and bed. I wake up in the middle of the night frustrated. Frustrated for sleep and angry at my stupid self for being so lame. I woke up an hour before my alarm this morning and stared at my ceiling. I am awake another day. I am wasting my life.

Totally preventable failure number one.

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