Four and a Half months

Yeah so its been awhile. Its hard to stay with a blog that doesn't post every day. After awhile you feel betrayed. I get it. Thats how I feel sometimes.

What can I say? These days I am wondering what I am supposed to do in this savage limbo. Its four months until I make the biggest (mistake? triumph? or just...) move of my life, and what the hell am I supposed to be doing right now? I am certainly not trying to audition in Los Angeles. I should be. I havent gone back to class. Should be too (except for a tiny money and time situation that I have yet to figure out.)

I am still trying to lose weight and running a lot more. So thats good. I havent had any success but the fight is still on.

I am procrastinating. I am scared.

Ok, now that you have admitted it, what should you be doing?

Well if I am not going to class i need to work at home. I need to find at least six monologues to go to New York with. Three classical (all very different) and three contemporary. Ok.

I need to make money. (am doing this as much as possible. seriously. am replacing anxiety and worry with work. good thing i think, for now)

Lose weight (we already talked about this)

RENT THE TRUCK!!! This will be the FIRST STEP! The first COMMITMENT! We need to do this asap.

GET OUT OF DEBT. Ok so this goes with the money thing, but I really DO need to get out of debt. What would happen if I put all my credit into my debt? I am scared I would overdraw. I have to do the math. I don't like math.

To anyone who reads this blog: I promise it will get more interesting as the summer wears on. I will freak out more and plans will be made. I am especially looking forward to documenting our road trip ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!! But I am waiting in purgatory for now, atoning my sins so I can go to New York with a clean slate.

A Reading

I just came back from a reading for a screenplay that my friend, Josh, wrote. Josh and I went to the same college and are very fortunate to be good friends with some extremely talented film majors from our school. Our friend, David, got me my FOX Prime Time screen debut when he was a contestant on the TV show On the Lot.


(imdb.com)

I forgot how brilliant and amazing these people are. Josh's script is fabulous and so full of his own heart, integrity and wit that I could hardly believe it. It was so funny and wonderful. I was in awe. He always writes a part for me. I am always pleased and flattered like crazy. Brilliant people thinking you are worthy is great, right?

So today is a good L.A. day. The sun is shining and it is very warm outside. Traffic on the 405 was not too bad. It took me long enough to get to Culver City from the valley that I could talk to my best friend from San Francisco on the phone, and watch the Getty go by without getting in an accident.

Goodbye Neptune's Net

Neptune's Net is one of the best places in the Los Angeles Area. My boyfriend and I traveled to Malibu to experience it one last time. We relaxed on the beach and enjoyed the sun. Afterwards we went to lunch at this little shrimp joint overlooking the water. Admittedly, an ex-boyfriend introduced me to it. Said ex-boyfriend had a way of finding the best places in Los Angeles. For a time I could see real beauty in a lot of the little corners of this town. Of course, when current boyfriend and I went to Neptune's Net this weekend, we ran into said ex-boyfriend. This little biker restaurant overlooking the Pacific Ocean is his territory. I broke up with him. So we respectfully say goodbye to one of the most amazing places in Los Angeles.
Every time I go to Neptune's Net, there are a gazillion bikers parked out front drinking, smoking and feeling the breeze come off of the ocean. For some reason they all see fit to leave at exactly the same time. The roar of their motorcycles is deafening and amazing. I will probably sneak back here one more time this summer. It truly is a diamond in the rough.
And on a personal note. Do you ever see your exes and think, "Oh yeah...THAT'S why I dated you" and its kind of a relief? Ex-boyfriend in question is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. I wasn't romantically attracted to him. I wanted to BE him. He has an ability to be in the moment and appreciate little things that I really wish I had in myself. Ah. Memories of youth and mistakes past. Los Angeles has seen so many of mine...

Do Yourself a Favor

So I have been working my gazankus off at Bizou this week. I am so damn sick of that place that I could scream. I am sick of the customers, of my co-workers, my boss, the bar, the kitchen, just everything. I work in the morning and am done at 3. Then I have to go back at six. This is my break. On my break I read people's blogs and try to make myself disappear.

You know how they tell you that only you can make yourself happy and you have to will things to happen and yadda yadda? How the HELL does anyone actually do that? I mean, I know they are right, but I am so sick of just being downright miz. Is New York going to help this?

I'll tell you what has helped today. This AMAZING blog. Do yourself a favor and read this gloriousness.

Afterwards, if you have time and your eyes don't hurt because you couldn't take them away from the page, read this blog too.

You are welcome.

I'm off to make myself happy.

I Love L.A. (sometimes)

Ok not really, but sometimes. I keep thinking that I should publish a post with all the things I do love about L.A. like...

1. My sister is here.
2. My amazing apartment
3. Griffith Park
4. The Getty
5. Jasmine in the spring (inspiration for this post today)
6. Hopeful artists from all over the world
7. The Farmer's Market at the Grove
8. The Ahmanson
9. The Hollywood Sign
10. The Central Los Angeles Library
11. Downtown Los Angeles
12. The way that the coolest places are hidden in strip malls and down alleys
13. Malibu beaches and Neptune's Net
14. The kids at Robert F. Kennedy Elementary School
15. Midori Sushi where the waitress knows me, my sister, my boyfriend, our drink orders and whether or not we want the usual.
16. My walk to work
17. Auditioning at Warner Brothers when the tour bus drives by and everyone thinks you might be somebody
18. Bill Handel and KFI 640 am
19. Trivia Nights at Pineapple Hill Saloon and Grill

I think I need one good picture of each of these things before I leave.

Next list...Things to experience in Los Angeles before I move the Heck away from it...

One Thousand Dollars

Somehow my PARENTS in Northern California got the letter from the Los Angeles Police Department about my "unsafe left turn" ticket.

Fine. Send it to me. Right?

No. Of course my dad opens it (rips it open) and reads it. They proceed to call me and tell me that this little mistake of mine is going to cost me upwards of a thousand dollars. I am shocked. There is NO way I can afford a thousand dollar ticket. Okay, I reason, they will take some off when I show them I DO actually have insurance. Then my dad proceeds to nag me about how irresponsible I am. I proceed to tell him that its none of his business. That's when the fight begins.

First of all let me explain that I have been completely financially independent for almost three years. Meaning, I have been out of college and paying my own rent etc for three years. How dare he tell me that I am not doing a good job taking care of myself?? Most of my girlfriends from high school and college are still getting SOME help from their parents. (Many of whom I have somehow ceased to relate, I must admit.)

How dare they open my mail? What the hell? They do nothing but tell me that acting is a ridiculous profession and that I am "stupid" for moving to New York. Not ONCE have they said ANYTHING positive about how I am living my life.

This all might have been less of a big deal if there wasn't a thousand dollars involved. How am I going to move to New York with this kind of drag on my budget? No. I'm not going there. Actually I am going to fight this ticket, because I am a big girl even though my parents refuse to see it.

I know how to fight my own battles.

Craigslist

So it’s officially painful to do my Craigslist fantasizing. I found the greatest apartment today (as I almost always do) but of course it’s ready NOW. I won’t need an apartment until October probably. I bought my (future and present) roommate, Michael, a Not for Tourists book of Brooklyn for his birthday. It has a great map of the communities in Brooklyn. (There is probably a better name than communities.)

So I have a new list:

Greenport
Williamsburg
Brooklyn Heights (if we can get a nice place)/ DUMBO / Downtown Brooklyn (...well see)
Fort Greene/Clinton Hill
Park Slope/Prospect Heights
Windsor Terrace
Prospect-Lefferts Gardens/ Crown Heights
Sunset Park/Greenwood Heights

I chose these places because they are close to Manhattan, and are pretty good areas. I really want to live near Prospect Park. I think I may be in love with Prospect Park.

Actually I think I’m going to put a down payment on this new condo:



When I’m really fantasizing, I look at Halstead Properties. If only....