Thursday, March 5, 2009


I had a dream last night. I didn’t think much of it at first but it hasn’t left me all day. It was very vivid and emotional. I am thinking it has very significant meaning.

A very old man is dying. We are at a huge facility and everyone knew this big man is dying. He is particularly close to me. I go to him and he doesn't really say much or do much but I know he loves me and we have a knowing bond between us. He reminds me of Hugh Hefner the way he is sweet with Kendra when she leaves the house, and also Ron Thronston who died when I was in college, all the awards I won in college were "Ron Thronston" awards, and also the vice principal of my junior high school. He wanted me be the one to carry him to his chair. A huge assembly was being held. As we were walking I was crying, but I knew I needed to say something to him. I said, "I just want you to know how thankful I am for all you have done for me." It was all I could get out. I helped him to the area, and then lifted him in both of my arms, and laid him softly in his seat. He was extremely frail and light. His seat was big and on a high platform overlooking the assembly. He nodded for me to leave him.

I did and someone took me to another place in the building. We climbed up into the vent. I think we were trying to see higher or something. We climbed up into the ceiling and then the ladder we had flew out and I almost fell but my companion helped me up. The place was so small we were so cramped I wasn’t sure how we would last up there. We needed to get down but we were extremely high in the air. I was terrified. I thought I would die. Then my companion found a way deeper into the ceiling. There was a hallway with a poster of a play that Jeremy Pivin and a couple other actors were in. Then we were in the play. Not performing a play but living it as if it were real. The room was like a crafted set. There was a walking space, and the beds and other playing areas were raised slightly. Then I woke up.

So I’m thinking I may not post this because who wants to know the innermost workings of my subconscious brain? But what the hell? This blog is to get me to New York, so maybe one of my new friends will provide some insight.

I think the old man is like my life here in Los Angeles. I went to college in Orange County and owe all of my training in acting to this town. I have spent the entirety of my adult life here. I had my heart broken, fell in love, fell in love again and one more time. I have had more success in college than I ever dreamed of. I was on television! But my life here is expiring. Maybe the arena and the big assembly is the entirety of my life and now the man sits in his chair and watches the rest, his part is over. So I climb higher into the arena, to New York?! A play?! That part is less clear to me. I just know that the terrified feeling of climbing too high and the ladder falling out underneath you is familiar when I think of moving to New York.

So anyway. Thank you for letting me be self indulgent.

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